Life in the fast lane
Most of the time I work in a good environment but I was involved in breaking up another fight yesterday. I've been in plenty of them. This one wasn't nearly as bad as the one I was in several weeks ago or others in the past 6 years. They weren't attacking me this time and I didn't get hit. I'm getting real concerned however; that I'm loosing myself. I used to be so strong mentally.
One of the reason might be is that I feel like I don't really have somebody to talk to. Don't misunderstand me. I have wonderful friends and I love them very much. I know some of them would do anything for me. I just feel like they have there separate worlds, own issues to deal with, and simply can't understand. My co-workers would understand but I have to be professional there. I don't like being happy/strong all day and then having the people I'm closest to get depression from me.
Last night however; there was some things I was thankful for. I had things to do and friends to see after work so I didn't let myself get emotional until 10pm. It makes me feel like I can still do what God called me to do but it's getting harder and harder.
The last couple weeks I've been thinking about the differences between my life 6 years ago and now. There were ways I kept myself above water back then. The most obvious difference is that I had a stronger relationship with God. I've been trying to incorporate the same activities into my life that I used to do. I figure it's a good start to finding out what I need. Years ago when I got depressed I would pop in a worship CD, walk to the park, and pray. When I got back it was like nothing ever happened. Today I went to Target and got myself a CD player and a case to hook around my waist. I got home, took it out of the package, put it all together, and realized I didn't have any AA batteries... oops. It was frustrating until I realized that these will be waiting for me later.
I know this post might seem too personal but I can't keep it in anymore. If my praying friends read this please remember me. Thank you
posted by Viv @ 7:08 PM
3 comments
3 Comments:
Viv, I totally understand. I know that many times I wish someone was there to listen to me when I need it. I also know how hard it is to depend on someone you know has their own issues they are dealing with. You're thinking about things that have worked for you in the past and that is great, sometimes we forget about those things that make us feel good when we get to feeling down. It never hurts to look into new things too. What made me think of suggesting this is your desire to have someone to talk to- what about a therapist? (sure, a therapist recommending you see a therapist...but I'm serious) I have used the employee assistance program through work before and it's nice to have someone whose only job is to listen and offer help. This way you wouldn't feel like a burden to anyone (and you wouldn't be- I know you have tons of people who care about you who would love to be there for you like you are for them). Oh, and EAP is free for you if your employer has one set up. Your employer has already paid for it.
Good luck figuring things out!
Hey Viv! I will be praying for you! Always feel free to call if you need someone to talk to.
True friends are those you can always lean on, Viv, and even if they don't understand the specifics of your situation, they're always there to listen and support you no matter what. We're here for you.
*hugs*
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