The long post

People have always said I was shy. It's been the part of me I've excepted for years. I never spoke to anybody in school. When I was 12 my teacher noticed how much I was having a hard time and had me tested for learning disabilities. It turned out I had several. I don't know exactly what they were called. All I remember is that I had to start going to a Resource Program a couple hours a day and speech therapy once a week. It took them awhile to figure out what was going on because I could speak well and I was very intelligent. I just came across as a kid that was very quiet, extremely depressed, and isolated. I didn't have any friends. I just escaped into the television set when I came home from school. After my tests I started working very hard to "fix" the problem. Each year I got better and in Jr. High I was testing at a college level in some areas. They gave me the choice to leave the program or stay and use it for homework time. I used it for homework time until my sophomore year of high school. I decided I was strong enough to handle things on my own. That was freakin stupid. I almost didn't graduate from high school.
I've noticed other issues in my life since then. It turns out it's not something one can fix. It stays with you the rest of your life. I could work around obstacles to get things done but it effects every part of my life.
I am not one that likes to revel on loss or short comings. I believe that God has made me and my friends for a specific purpose but I've been extremely Angry with this lately. I went on the Internet and started researching Adults with disabilities. I found the definition and I highlighted all the symptoms I thought applied to me.

Definition:
The scientific diagnosis of learning disabilities has focused primarily on the "discrepancy model". This method describes learning disabilities as discrepancies between expectations based on IQ and actual performance. If it appears that the person has problems perceiving, processing, comprehending, retaining, or retrieving certain types of information, despite having a normal or greater level of intelligence and regardless of effort and opportunity, then she or he is considered to be learning disabled.

Symptoms:
5. Frustrated by unsuccessful attempts to read, write, spell, and speak correctly.
6. Feeling as if you are "faking" your education: people say you are smart, but you don't genuinely feel this is true even though you may be getting good grades.
4. Feeling that your own work is infantile or crude or otherwise not as good as that of others, and that your output does not reflect the complexity of your thinking.
3. Frequent spelling errors (e.g., omissions, substitutions, transpositions), especially in specialized and foreign vocabulary.
8. Fear of filling out forms and applications and using the telephone.
9. Isolation: fear of not being understood.
10. Intensified self-consciousness and stress because of your other problems.
1. Inability to concentrate on and to comprehend spoken language when presented rapidly.
3. Slow to start and to complete tasks.
4. Repeated inability, on a day-to-day basis, to recall what has been taught.
2. Difficulty in orally expressing concepts that they seem to understand.
3. Difficulty speaking grammatically correct English.
4. Difficulty following or having a conversation about an unfamiliar idea.
5. Trouble telling a story in the proper sequence.
6. Difficulty following oral or written directions.

This stupid diagnosis is effecting my performance at work, my relationships, and robbing me of my self-worth. I want it out of my life but it will not go away.
I still believe in Ephesians 2:10 "For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do." I just want to understand what the purpose for this is. There has to be good purpose.

My apologies to anybody who might think this post was too personal but I don't really care.

www.haverford.edu/ods/learning.html