Friday, June 30, 2006

Sleepless night

I fell asleep around 7pm. I've been up since 11pm and it's 20 after four. This is the second night in a row that I haven't been able to sleep. I'm so tired. It's amazing what one can think about when they've moved past the zombie stage. I don't think however; it would be a good idea for me to reflect on it at the moment. I think sleeplessness might have close to the same potency as drunkenness as far as it's influence on communicating thoughts. I don't want to get myself into trouble. It must remain a mystery.

Now the last 3 months I have rejected caffeine in order to detox myself. Should I stay up for my last hour and pump myself full of caffeine or lay down. I think either way I'm going to fall off the wagon.

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

No... It's a thumb

I went down to my friend's cabin tonight. They have been doing some work on it and needed some help. All I did was paint the picnic table while the guys did woodwork. I had a good time. Painting is really enjoyable to me. I think half my enjoyment also came from watching the guys try to figure out how to accomplish there project. This is the out house in their backyard. It has nothing to do with why we were there but it's really funny looking. It's supposed to be a thumb but I think it looks more like a toe.

More Camping Pics... Finally

Saturday, June 24, 2006

Jenny Crack Corn And I Don't Care...

Jenny learned how to prepar corn for the grill tonight. Thank you Jenny but I'm only eating one.

Four Sexy Sardines

The four of us had to cram into the back seat after hiking 2 hours outside Louisvill and eating ice cream. I really want to go swimming next.

Nebraska: The Good Life

We crossed this vicious waterfall. I remember Niagra being a little different.

How long does it take to put up a tent

Apparently for these guys it took over a half hour. For Jenny and I 10 minnutes.

Friday, June 23, 2006

Night Off

I didn't go to Jitterbugs tonight. For some reason the right side of my neck started hurting yesterday and I could hardly turn my head. It got better tonight but I didn't think twisting around would be a good idea. I was really looking forward to tonight since there was a live band and people were going dress up. I think I needed a day off though. I took some pictures, bought a ice cream cone, and went to my church parking lot to think for awhile. It was so nice outside, cool and peaceful. I decided to play on swings. There is something about swings that helps one feel better. I think everybody should play on the swings at least 4 times a year. After doing that I got the crazy inkling to go buy some shoes. I don't even remember the last time I bought anything besides food. I got a couple pair. When that was over I dropped a video off at my parent's house, talked to the bird for awhile, came back here, and started writing.

Jitterbugs is almost over. I hope the band was good and my friends had a good time. I'm going to bed now.

Tuesday, June 20, 2006

I'm Feeling Technical

I finally decided to figure out how to get my comments forwarded to my email, YAHOO!!! It only took a year and a month. Well actually I didn't even know it was possible until maybe 6 months ago so it really isn't that bad. I don't know if it worked yet. I gauss I'll see soon enough. Send me a comment. It's going to be very exciting.

Sunday, June 18, 2006

Happy Father's Day

Happy Father's Day. I think my dad had a good day. My mom cooked him some lumpia, sushi, beef on a stick, broccoli beef, chocolate moose, and water melon. He got some nice stuff to grill out with and some bins for organizing.

This year Father's Day had a little more meaning to me. Over the years I have learned to think of God as my father but this year I think I understand it more. Recently I have once again gotten a taste of His guidance and loving discipline. It's a strange feeling when you feel crappy and loved at the same time.

Lately I've been listening to some of my friends talk about their fathers. Sometimes it seems like most of the fathers here are jerks. I wish more of them would understand how much God is not like our earthly father. It says "Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you; He rises to show you compassion..." Isaiah 30:18 and "He is Father to the Fatherless..." Psalms 68:5. My father wasn't the nicest one growing up but I've seen him try to change. With God's help I have learned to forgive him. If there is anybody reading this that didn't have a good relationship with their father my prayer for you is that you would understand how much God the father unconditionally loves you very very much.

Saturday, June 17, 2006

Let's all go to a parade

Some of the Jitterbugs danced and marched in the Juneteenth parade today. This is the after picture. It was fun but very exhausting. Most of us got there around 9am. We didn't start moving until about 10:30am. We got to the end at 12:55pm. The music from Mo's car was good when we heard it. When we didn't we danced to the drill team that was right in front of us. The audience seemed to really like us. We handed out almost every flier we had. For some of us, this was the first parade we took part in. There was much learned for next time so here is some good wisdom for you. When you're marching in a parade make sure you provide transportation at the end.

Wednesday, June 14, 2006


Follow the yellow brick road, Follow the yellow brick road, Follow, Follow, Follow, Follow, Follow the yellow brick road...

We had our Wizard of Oz day at work. We had Dorothy, the Wicked Witch, the Witch of the North, the Tin Man, the Scare Crow, and Anti Em. I was the lion. It was so much fun. In the morning each person had a game for the participants to do. My game was throwing bean bags on scary pictures. If they got one on a picture (or didn't) I gave them a courage metal and a sucker. We served them a Emerald City lunch complete with green foods. After lunch they got there pictures taken with the tin man and watched the Wizard of Oz movie. I wish I could put up pictures of all the decorations and the rope tail that got some lauphs, oh well. Everybody had a good time.

Saturday, June 03, 2006

The long post

People have always said I was shy. It's been the part of me I've excepted for years. I never spoke to anybody in school. When I was 12 my teacher noticed how much I was having a hard time and had me tested for learning disabilities. It turned out I had several. I don't know exactly what they were called. All I remember is that I had to start going to a Resource Program a couple hours a day and speech therapy once a week. It took them awhile to figure out what was going on because I could speak well and I was very intelligent. I just came across as a kid that was very quiet, extremely depressed, and isolated. I didn't have any friends. I just escaped into the television set when I came home from school. After my tests I started working very hard to "fix" the problem. Each year I got better and in Jr. High I was testing at a college level in some areas. They gave me the choice to leave the program or stay and use it for homework time. I used it for homework time until my sophomore year of high school. I decided I was strong enough to handle things on my own. That was freakin stupid. I almost didn't graduate from high school.
I've noticed other issues in my life since then. It turns out it's not something one can fix. It stays with you the rest of your life. I could work around obstacles to get things done but it effects every part of my life.
I am not one that likes to revel on loss or short comings. I believe that God has made me and my friends for a specific purpose but I've been extremely Angry with this lately. I went on the Internet and started researching Adults with disabilities. I found the definition and I highlighted all the symptoms I thought applied to me.

The scientific diagnosis of learning disabilities has focused primarily on the "discrepancy model". This method describes learning disabilities as discrepancies between expectations based on IQ and actual performance. If it appears that the person has problems perceiving, processing, comprehending, retaining, or retrieving certain types of information, despite having a normal or greater level of intelligence and regardless of effort and opportunity, then she or he is considered to be learning disabled.

5. Frustrated by unsuccessful attempts to read, write, spell, and speak correctly.
6. Feeling as if you are "faking" your education: people say you are smart, but you don't genuinely feel this is true even though you may be getting good grades.
4. Feeling that your own work is infantile or crude or otherwise not as good as that of others, and that your output does not reflect the complexity of your thinking.
3. Frequent spelling errors (e.g., omissions, substitutions, transpositions), especially in specialized and foreign vocabulary.
8. Fear of filling out forms and applications and using the telephone.
9. Isolation: fear of not being understood.
10. Intensified self-consciousness and stress because of your other problems.
1. Inability to concentrate on and to comprehend spoken language when presented rapidly.
3. Slow to start and to complete tasks.
4. Repeated inability, on a day-to-day basis, to recall what has been taught.
2. Difficulty in orally expressing concepts that they seem to understand.
3. Difficulty speaking grammatically correct English.
4. Difficulty following or having a conversation about an unfamiliar idea.
5. Trouble telling a story in the proper sequence.
6. Difficulty following oral or written directions.

This stupid diagnosis is effecting my performance at work, my relationships, and robbing me of my self-worth. I want it out of my life but it will not go away.
I still believe in Ephesians 2:10 "For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do." I just want to understand what the purpose for this is. There has to be good purpose.

My apologies to anybody who might think this post was too personal but I don't really care.